Ten ways we get stuck

Have you ever been just stuck? Fresh out of ideas, you feel like things around you are stale, or you have stalled in your growth or your career? It is not fun, but it is a common thing. One minute you are progressing, and then the next, you are not, and then you are “stuck.” How do you find your way out?

I remember a time I was vividly stuck. There was a massive set of thunderstorms and tornadoes that had been building, and we were in for a very long night. I had just finished my shift at Sears, and it was about 9 p.m. As I began trying to make my way home, I realized that it was going to be too dangerous to try to navigate my Nissan Sentra through streets that had started to flood. I had already taken a few chances in deep pools of water through roads where I felt that my car was going to drift away. Hearing tornado sirens, and seeing tremendously scary weather reports, the possibility of getting home was now extremely dangerous, and potentially impossible. I was stuck.

When we think of the definition of stuck we will use, there are so many forms and types that you can’t just say “stuck” and always mean the same thing.

Stuck often means “trapped,” but it also can mean “poked,” “sticking,” with some sort of adhesive, “lost,” or “abandoned.” And this is the creativity of our problem. We can barely define it in the time we say it. “I am stuck.” We must quickly identify the type of “stuck” before we can unstick ourselves. And in some cases, you may not want to get unstuck too quickly.

Let’s talk about how to find what type of “Stuck” you are.

1. “Stuck in yourself” — Every person on this planet needs to spend some time finding themself. They need to come into their own and find out who they are and what they stand for. We need to be conscious that as we go into this journey, that we don’t create the siloes of only our feelings, emotions, and thoughts, and we can still be open to letting others in. When we stick to ourselves, we tend to isolate and alienate. And you may sometimes use this to your advantage to create moments of focus and high achievement. Just be careful not to lose yourself in yourself, or you won’t’ have anyone around when you want to enjoy those moments.
2. “Stuck lost” — When you find yourself stuck somewhere, and you are not sure of your surroundings, you become lost. When you get to this type of “stuckness,” it is imperative that you take a moment and look at your whole situation. While you may be in a foreign place, you mustn’t panic, and if possible, ask for help. If not likely to ask for help, get moving. Start moving in any direction you can, till you either find something that gives you your bearing, or you run into someone that can help. When you are lost in a place like a forest, it's actually better to stay in one place. Because the hope and desire are if someone is looking for you, they know where to find you. Many times, like those lost in the woods, we are moving all the time in a panic, and those that are trying to help us can’t or give up because we are all moving. So if you feel lost in a forest of problems, stick to something, and I recommend that be something core to your being. So people that know you can find you where they know they’ll find you. Don’t isolate, and try to find your way out by yourself.
3. “Stuck trapped” — Being “trapped” can feel like and emotion that so many people struggle with even as you read this. You get to a point where you are in a situation that you think there is no way out. It may be piling bills or insurmountable tasks that need to get somehow done. It may be someone in your family who is doing something destructive, and you don’t know how to deal with it, or worse, it could be your thoughts trapping you in anxiety and stress. When you get here, it’s time to take a perspective ride. You may need help to do this, but you need to imagine yourself stepping away from your situation. If you have a trusted friend or advisor, they can help you with this. Is the situation as hopeless as you think? If you were looking at someone else in this problem, what would you advise them to do? Even if it is something small, do it, and then step back and imagine your next step and next step, and before you know it, you are out of that situation altogether.
4. “Stuck abandoned” — Being abandoned is a terrible feeling. And it comes in so many forms. You can be “socially abandoned” because you posted the wrong thing, and some social justice warrior has decided to alienate you or worse, your post gets no response, and you feel like you have no connections. You can be shunned by family or community because you make a decision, which isn’t their norm. Rather than try to give you a moment to be understood, you receive a cold shoulder or worse, expulsion. And many times its worse, someone who is close to you, has entirely left you, and they are probably never coming back. When you get abandoned, remember a few things, even villains have friends, and no matter what you have done or not done, there is someone out there that resonates with you. Someone else is going through a similar thing. There are whole organizations, works of art and poetry, books, and so many pieces of evidence that echo what you are thinking, so you are not alone. At this moment, you need to take a moment to reflect, have I been abandoned for something that would be considered egregious or potentially illegal? If so, you need to look deep into your moral compass, and if its something you want to reconcile, there are steps. But if it is something that is just a decision you have made, then it is time to stick to your guns and find others who will resonate with you. Finding and adding yourself to communities that you resonate with will not only energize you but may also lend you the support you need to get through your situations.
5. “Stuck poked” — Getting poked, is generally not a positive thing. When I think of getting poked, it’s usually a sharp or pointy object, and it is digging into my flesh. If you get this, assess your puncture and seek medical attention. But getting poked can also mean getting your attention. Someone pokes you, and you turn around. Something pokes you, catches your eye, or arouses your attention, now what can you do? At this moment, seek medical care, just kidding. When you receive a physical interaction, take a moment, and reflect. Why does someone want your attention? Why is it resonating, intoxicating, or speaking to you in a new way? When you are around that person, and they touch you, why does your skin start to prickle and your senses start to go wild? When you get a poke, figure out what is poking you, and spend a moment figuring out why. They may be trying to get your attention, and you may be ignoring them. Now if they are distractions, then it is time to deal with it, because distractions not dealt with, will cause you to be “stuck lost.”
6. “Stuck ideas” — If you are stuck trying to come up with ideas, it isn’t stuck thinking, it is a stuck routine. You have a “routine” and way of thinking that no longer generate the inspiration or ideas you need. Simple fix, change your routine. If you drink that same coffee all the time, maybe it’s time for some tea. If you always go to the same places, maybe its time to try somewhere new. Are you still eating the same thing? Try to go somewhere else and taste something new. Ideas and inspiration can come from the tiniest forms because all you need is fresh and new to break you out of a funk. Hitting an idea wall at work, it is the same concept. Walk away from your project and work on something else. When you come back, you will be amazed at how you will see your situation differently and get unstuck.
7. “Stuck sticky” — If you find yourself in a sticky situation, you may need to do a few things. Assess what you are stuck in and if you want to stay there. Sometimes we are put in sticky situations that end up benefitting us because we are the best person to bring a resolution. Sometimes you get sticky residues on valued items. Rather than panic, or cause damage, ask someone or the internet how to get unstuck, and in several cases, remove evidence of the residue. Don’t yank or try to brute force things, until that is the only option. You’ll end up causing damage, and in many cases, that won’t be the right solution to unstick yourself.
8. “Stuck on purpose” — Sometimes, you need to use your sticky power to get stuck where you can be a catalyst or a change agent. You can use your influence and knowledge to assert yourself into situations. When others see that you have stuck yourself and you are passionate about your “why”, then you can help others get stuck with you and bring more power to the purpose.
9. “Stuck together” — How do you deal with a close relationship or co-worker that you are stuck with, and you feel they are a big part of limiting your growth? It becomes even tougher because there is usually an emotional and mental strain that comes along with this closeness and intimacy that you have previously shared, but may no longer share. You get stuck with someone who no longer loves you or is not going in the same direction, and every time you move, you are going in different directions. Because of these opposite forces, you feel like you are no longer progressing, and every time you “move,” it becomes painful and hard. In this situation, you have a few options. While it may seem easy just to sever a bond and remove a relationship, don’t be so quick to cut it out of your life. Many of these bonds are layers deep, and while you may get an immediate jolt of relief, you may get intertwined in new problems and consequences, and then you are stuck at a different level. I would suggest an alternative approach, move in the direction of the relationship for a moment. When you step out of your interest for a moment and follow someone else’s, you can begin to understand their needs a bit more. When you know them better, it is easier to have a conversation. If you realize that both of your directions are still pointing in opposite ways, it becomes easier to adjust amicably and can help both parties choose to unstick or stick with each other.
10. “Stuck in time” — “Back in my day,” has become the running joke when we see people stuck in time. They harp on days of old, and are stuck in achievements of the past, hoping that they still have some sort of relevancy to the present. If you are stuck in your past, it is time to take that experience, frame it, and put it on a wall in a room that you are going to leave. While you can come back to revisit from time-to-time, living in the past is an easy way to pile up the stuck feelings that keep people from progressing. We should remember our history, so we don’t make silly mistakes that we have learned from, but we also need to leave our imaginary room as fast as possible, because the past will keep you right there. And we need to be able to live in the present moment.

As I look back on that moment, which would turn out to be some of the worst tornadoes in the history of the state, I had to make a choice. I needed a way to get out of this situation. I reached out to my family, and once I gave them my location, they were able to provide me with their perspective. “Hey, go to this friend’s house; it is close by.” I was extremely fortunate. Even though I was trapped, abandoned, almost out of ideas because I thought my only option was to try to make it home, at all costs, including my life, I was able to depend on someone else to help me out. Because I turned myself over to someone else, they shared their perspective, and I was able to safely stay over with friends nearby, ride out the storm, and live to write this tale.

Being stuck doesn’t have to be the end. In many cases, being stuck is an opportunity for you to take a moment and determine what type of stickiness you are in, and what you can do in the interim. Many of us have been “stuck” in the current pandemic, and you feel an overwhelming sense of “stuckness.” You can continue to live in that world of dread, or you can determine what type of stickiness you are experiencing, and get unstuck.

Just by looking at the time, you have “saved” because we commute less and have fewer places we can go. What are you able to do with that extra time? Find new skills, rekindle old friendships that you were too busy to pursue. Network with more and more, and take the time for yourself to clean up the mess we sometimes leave behind when we are too busy. You will see that with a clear perspective, and new experiences, that you will be less likely to be stuck without a purpose as you move forward.