The sibling kind of love

It’s crazy what siblings will do to each other and for each other. From the days of Cain and Abel to the Kardashian-Jenners, we have seen it all. Love, hate, murder, and so much in between. Siblings have become best friends, most hated enemies, and the source of so many bad and good roommate stories.

There is a unique bond that living with someone for so long does for you.

It is one of the first places a sibling gets to experience their first emotional bonds. Siblings get to see what sets each other off, brings pain and tears, brings joy, excites them, and then in perfect sibling fashion, they use this intimate knowledge as fodder for manipulation and gain.

It is one of the first places that siblings get to experience peer groups and how to deal with them. They are asked to share things, negotiate, argue their points and counterpoints, sling mean words, mediate issues, resolve their problems, and break bread at their next meals.

It is also one of the first times that an older sibling learns the innate desire to protect their younger siblings. Especially if siblings are close in age, the older child can assume an extraordinarily positive or negative impression for their younger siblings to observe and adopt.

If we dwell a bit more in the unselfish, rather than the norm, we see moments of clarity of our current lives. I remember walking into my children’s room to see my daughter using her “makeup” kit on one of her younger brothers. When I probed to find out what was happening, the brother had volunteered to be a “makeup tester,” and my daughter, who was only 9, was working as the makeup artist. My son is distinctly saying, “Daddy, I am her model so that she can practice.” I was giddy with concern for my son’s gullibleness and impressed with how my daughter created the opportunity for him to participate. His ability to unselfishly transform into whatever makeup character he would be after she used him as a test subject was an example that he was just going to support his sibling. And in honesty, it made them both happy.

A couple of things to chew on:

1. Safe Places — Regardless if you have siblings or not, you have people in your life (friends, colleagues, teammates) who need someone to try things out with and have a safe place to test. Do you make yourself available to be a willing test subject for your “siblings”?
2. Sounding boards — There are people in our life that they need someone to complain to, yell at, have lunch with, hug, laugh a lot with, and be able to do it all over again. Are you that person to someone, and will you be willing to be sacrificial in that way?
3. Return benefits — A lot of these people want to give it back. A sibling relationship isn’t a one-way street. The way again maybe a bit narrower, or 8-lane highway, it isn’t vital. Many times people want to reciprocate, and means they want to hear from you. They want to be there for your frustrations, or to bounce ideas, or to just pass the time. Allow yourself to be open to these relationships.

We will not always have our siblings. If you are an only child, you may never have a direct sibling. But that doesn’t mean you don’t have peers in your lives that can be your surrogate siblings. They can give and receive your love and support. If you are privileged enough to find friends like this, in your professional life, in your love life, and in various spots in your social life, count yourself blessed. And yes, they do not have to be the same person. If you are a parent of an only child, or you find yourself dealing with life oftentimes alone,

In many cases, this can be several people, and it similar to siblings.

In my family, one of the siblings is the “singer,” and one is the “artist,” one takes care of the “technology,” and so on. Isn’t it this example a simple way to allow life to come to us through those who know us?

We don’t need our friends to be perfect or agree with everything we want or like. We need to enjoy them for who they are and respect ourselves enough to know how our friends will support our likes and dislikes. We should take their dissonance and approvals as valuable pieces of supreme insight. These are people that have created bonds with us, and we need to allow them their idea to permeate us and give feedback that only they can provide. And if we learn anything from our “siblings” in their various forms, it is that they, like so many in our lives, can be great supports for our lives going forward.